We apologize for the lack of a clever caption. Our writer is curled up in the fetal position crying.

Florida

See if you can spot who in this picture is slowly being scarred for life.

Maryland

C’mon buddy! Nobody matches the socks with the booty shorts! It takes focus away from the tookus, and you just don’t do that.

Kentucky

I like talking to her because she always seems so surprised and interested in what i’m saying. That, and because she kinda looks like the old lady in Adam Sandler’s Eight Crazy Nights.

Idaho

Wow, Santa went into relaxation mode rather quickly this year.

West Virginia